Being and Becoming Forgiving Persons

To be and become forgiving persons is to remember that God is our “rock of refuge.” In Psalm 32:1, we read:

                                    "In you, O Lord, I seek refuge;

                                    do not let me ever be put to shame;

                                    In your righteousness, deliver me.

                                    Incline your ear to me;

                                    Rescue me speedily.

                                    Be a rock of refuge for me,

                                    a strong fortress to save me."

The Lord himself is the “strong fortress” who saves us. He exemplifies what it means to forgive those who mocked him, spat upon him, scourged and crucified him. How, then, can we fulfill his invitation to forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us?

What about the child whose father or mother beat her: can she forgive them? Or the wife whose husband betrayed her?  Or the friend who shattered a solemn confidence? Having felt at times dehumanized, unloved, and justifiably angry, is not our first reaction to seek revenge, either openly if we are strong enough to fight back or with seething anger if we feel too weak to respond in kind?        

On a merely human level, it seems impossible to obey the Lord’s command to forgive “not seven times, but…seventy-seven…” (Matthew 18:22) or to make peace with family members before we approach the altar (see Matthew 5:24). To resist the impulse to seek revenge, it behooves us to meditate upon the crucifixion scene. In the face of violent crowds, who professed to be his friends one day and the next proved to be his foes, Jesus practiced what he preached and turned the other cheek. He forgave the repentant criminal hanging beside him and said to him, “…today you will be with me in Paradise” (Luke 23:43).

The opposite posture of unforgiveness may express itself in the hidden resentment that poisons our heart and tempts us to say: “I’ll forgive what you did to me, but don’t expect me to forget it.”

Pretending to forgive a person who causes us such distress is hypocritical. To move toward lasting forgiveness, we need to let go of the hurt others inflicted upon us and dispel any

lingering trace of resentment we may feel. We ought not to identify them as such with the wrong they did to us nor label them unforgivable. Such a conclusion in the long run harms us more than it does them.

We may also pretend to be forgiving when in truth, we only want to manipulate others by making them feel guilty for the wrong we accuse them of having done to us. The proverbial example would be the chronically ill mother or father, whose son or daughter nurses them. On the one night he or she needs a break, their parent may moan, “Have fun, but if I should have one of my attacks, don’t worry. I forgive you for not being here.”

It is tempting to focus on the maltreatment we have received, but Jesus asks us to follow a different course. He shows by his own actions that forgiveness is the only virtue strong enough to unclog the sludge of old hurts, crippling resentments, lingering bitterness, and hidden pockets of rage. Forgiveness cleans the wounds that still fester in our system due to an event as foolish as feuding. It frees us to seek reconciliation with God and others since Christ himself has cancelled our debt.

Is it any wonder that we must pray daily for the gift of forgiveness as well as for the willingness to accept, even to expect, persecution? It is consoling to observe at all times the pattern of the Paschal Mystery. Just as Calvary led to the joy of Easter, so our trials last but for a season. They come and go as God sees fit. The more we respond to them courageously, the more our formation in Christ deepens.

The cross is but a stopping place on the road to resurrection and the coming reign of God in our hearts and in the world. We know from experience that God never tries us beyond our strength to endure. Even if we falter once in a while and betray him, we continue to believe in his forgiveness, confident that the meaning of our faith journey will in due time be made manifest.

In the light of our being and becoming forgiving persons, trust begins to replace suspicion. Patience softens anger. Compassion quiets our inclination to quick reprisal. Whatever form it takes, verbal or non-verbal, forgiveness feels like healing balm poured on our own and others’ wounds. It softens the scars of resentment and gives us a new lease on life. With the psalmist, we sing:

                                    "For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving,

                                    abounding in steadfast love to all who call on you!

                                    Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer;

                                    Listen to my cry of supplication." -- Psalm 86:5-6